Quarantine’s quite a fun thing, isn’t it? Lots of drama, lots of boredom, lots of lessons and lots of arguments. So, how would certain characters feel if they were forced into 2020 Lockdown with each other? Fun scripts for anyone to preform (at least one adult joke is made in this one). If anybody has any ideas for characters combinations, send them my way.
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We enter onto a plain room. It has white walls. There’s an ugly, old brown couch in the centre with a colourful knitted throw thrown over it. There’s a fireplace to the side of the couch, lit and a pile of ash at the bottom of it as it’s been going a long time. In front of the fireplace there’s an old knitted rug, in similar colours to the throw. There are a few pictures of cats hung on the wall and one picture of a scarecrow in a field next to another cat. Dorothy is sat on the couch, flipping through an old book. Alice is sat on the rug near the fireplace, her shirt partly down as she’s too hot in her dress. She’s hugging her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth and fanning herself.
Alice: Can we go out yet?
Dorothy: Nope.
Alice: (brief pause) What about now?
Dorothy: Still nope.
Alice: Surely it must be over now?
Dorothy: Not according to the news. We just have to be patient.
Alice: I don’t like being patient (kicks the floor with her heel).
Dorothy: Well, unless you want to be a patient, you have to be patient.
There’s a minute silence as Alice rolls around on the floor, doing many different silly poses to try and get comfortable. Dorothy continues to flip through her book and doesn’t look up.
Alice: How are you so good at this?
Dorothy: I’ve had to sit inside for days when tornado season comes to my Aunty Em’s farm.
Alice: (shuffling again) Lucky.
Dorothy: Not really. Why don’t you read a book, Alice?
Alice: Don’t like books.
Dorothy: Maybe paint a picture then?
Alice: (gestures to the room) I’ve already done that. Do you not see all the cats?
Dorothy: (looks up from book) Oh, yeah. They’re… nice.
Alice: You didn’t even notice them.
Dorothy: No, I did.
Alice: Well, you didn’t say anything about them.
Dorothy: I was busy, reading.
Alice: You’re always reading. Can’t you play with me instead?
Dorothy: Can’t you do your homework for class on Monday?
Alice: Already done it. What about you?
Dorothy: I’ll do it later. After I’ve finished my book.
Alice: Ugh, I should’ve just stayed with my sister. Either way I’d just get someone reading a book and ignoring me.
Dorothy: Take a nap. That’s what I do when I’m bored.
Alice: Tried that. Not one sign of a White Rabbit.
Dorothy: Honestly, I think that’s kind of a good thing to hear. I haven’t seen a sign of Oz lately either.
Alice: They’re probably all stuck in quarantine too. Ugh, they must be so bored.
Dorothy: Well, they do say it can get anywhere. I wouldn’t want to get the Good Witch ill. I don’t think she’d ever forgive me.
Alice: Are you ready to play yet?
Dorothy: No, Alice. Let me finish my book.
Alice: Please.
Dorothy: No.
Alice: Come on, you know you want to.
Dorothy: I’m busy.
Alice: Can we at least turn the fireplace off? It’s boiling.
Dorothy: No. It took me ages to light that fire. It stays on. A book’s always better with a roaring fireplace going on in the background.
Alice: Who told you that? The scarecrow or the tin-man? (snickers)
Dorothy: Don’t be silly. The scarecrow can’t go near fire. And the tin-man’s too scared that he’ll set his forest on fire.
Alice: All your friends are kind of lame then?
Dorothy: Oh, yes, what about your friends? The Mad Hatter who’s high on caffeine all the time or the caterpillar who’s high on something else entirely? Doesn’t everyone in Wonderland pretty much just want to kill you?
Alice: At least it’s interesting there. Never a dull day. Unlike here.
Dorothy: Well, then, next time this happens you can go and stay with someone else. I’ll be quite fine on my own.
Alice: Oh, please. You like the attention too much to be all alone.
Dorothy: How dare you. Get out.
Alice: I can’t go out, remember?
Dorothy: Then, go to another room.
Alice: Fine. I’ll go play with the yellow bricks in the garden (makes to leave).
Dorothy: It’s raining outside, remember?
Alice: Ugh. I hate this stupid house.
Dorothy: Hey, at least you weren’t swept up in a tornado.
Alice: Oh, please, Dorothy. Everyone knows it was all a dream.
Dorothy: It was real. I’ve got bruises to prove it.
Alice: If you had bruises to prove it, why would they still be there? Liar.
Dorothy: Call me liar again and I’ll…
Alice: You’ll what? Read me to death?
Dorothy: (throws her book at Alice, Alice dodges) Get out!
Alice: Fine. I don’t want to see your stupid face anymore anyway.
Dorothy: I don’t want to see yours either (goes to pick up her book). It’s corn on the cob for dinner tonight.
Alice: Ugh, again?
Dorothy: If you want to do the shopping, why don’t you go next time?
Alice: I don’t want to.
Dorothy: Then, we’re eating corn on the cob.
Alice: Fine.
Dorothy: Fine.
Alice storms out and Dorothy brushes down her book. She wanders back to the couch and fans herself.
Wow, geez, it’s hot in here.
She continues reading.
The Literary Onion 